It's Not Too Late for Therapy by L.A. Long

This is the usual explanation that punctual people make for late people but reasons for lateness are generally more complex. This would mean that our friend H is motivated to tardiness because he considers his time and interests more important than the event or the people he has arranged to meet.

We treat him as a special person.Ī common explanation for such lateness is that it is passive aggressive. Maybe this is the point - we move our usual boundaries for him because we find him worth it, despite his lack of punctuality. We are fond of him and thinking about it, as a friend-group we make allowances for him - treat him as a special case by telling him 7 when we mean 8.30 and not expecting him to be on time. He denies he does it to make a grand entrance, he says that he is not fearful of arriving first. He has missed planes, he arrives half way through weekends away and it is though he prefers his car to have no petrol in it. He's been late as a best man at a wedding, he was late for his own wedding. When we all talked about it afterwards he said he really didn't know why he panics at the thought of being early. They took their seats next to mine as the lights went down. She gripped his elbow and steered him into the hall. Y managed H beautifully and they were on the threshold of the venue, five minutes before it was due to start then H said, he would go in search of coffees for all of us.

I was glad they were coming together because Y is always on time and H has pathological lateness issues. I was meeting a couple of friends at a lecture recently, Y and H. Then I will want to know what's behind the pattern of lateness, what's the meaning of it and what purpose it serves. But some clients are always late, maybe just five or ten minutes but always late, often panting when they get to the door. It happens the once, I don't treat it as significant. “The tube got stuck in a tunnel for 20 minutes, I do apologise'. Sometimes one of my psychotherapy clients might be late.

Latecomers like to pretend that their lack of punctuality is a funny charming quirk, but it's serious, it's a handicap.

If you would like to talk to a therapist about your behaviour patterns, find a therapist here.

Psychotherapist and author Philippa Perry digs into what is beneath perpetual lateness, and what can be done to bring late-comers up to speed.

Some people are always late and those who are affected by it get increasingly frustrated, suspecting that it is on purpose.

It's Not Too Late for Therapy by L.A. Long